Tips for Getting Your Cute Olive Garden Server to Go Out with You by Greg Mania

- Keep saying your salad needs more tossing and continue winking at him until your eyes


- On the way to the bathroom casually walk up behind him and mention you're reading

two books at once in a sultry whisper in his ear.

- Repeatedly ask, "How thick is your Alfredo sauce?" while increasing volume until he

throws up – a classic memory to bring up two years from now when you two will

OBVIOUSLY be happily dating!

- Lick all the salad tongs in the restaurant fucking clean.

- Burst out into Shakespearean dialogue every time he walks by.

- Make a flagrant display of how many breadsticks you can fit into your mouth.

- Just, like, put some fucking used car parts on the table, I.D.K. the servers in

Pennsylvania Olive Gardens get so fucking turned on when you do this.

- When he comes back to ask how your food came out, abruptly stand up and flip the

table over and be like, “NOT AS GOOD AS YOU WOULD BE IN A TUB OF SOUP.”

- Embrace your fun and flirty side! Tell he has GORGEOUS teeth, then punch him in the

mouth, collect the teeth you knocked out and run out the door.

-  Play hard to get! Go eat at The Old Spaghetti Factory.