Things I'm Going To Buy With My New Credit Card by Jacob Shelton
After over ten years of having non-existent to bad credit, I’ve finally done it. I’ve tricked a company into giving me a credit card. Before I won my new magic card, I assured myself and anyone who would listen that I would only use my free money for good. That I would use it to fix my car, to buy a plane ticket to visit my mother, to save a small orphan in Guatemala. But all of that’s out the window now that I have the actual card in my hands. I can feel its monetary power coursing through my veins, the numeral indentions are whispering to me, sending me to Amazon.com and telling me to look up expensive pounds of coffee.
25 Important Things to Know By Mr Rich
1 - Do not try to bleach your hair with actual bleach. This will hurt your fucking head.
2 - If you are zappin' a Cup O Noodle in the microwave, don't forget to put water in that shit. It will light on fire and stink up your microwave and make your mom mad.
3 - No matter how much weed you have smoked, your heart will not explode. No it wasn't laced and no you don't need to go to the hospital.
4 - Don't try and drink an entire box of wine in under 8 hours on a dare. You will most likely shit your pants.
5 - An oven does not make a good alternative for a dryer, especially when drunk. You will burn your pants and have to walk home looking like Fire Marshall Bill.
6 - Huge downhill road + rain + your bicycle + being hungover = injury/ shattered helmet/ broken bicycle.
7 - Be wary of beerbonging 2 40oz Steel Reserves from a rooftop through a garden hose. You could throw up on yourself in your friend's backyard and not care.
Tales From The Tinder
Welcome kiddies! Tonight’s story is about a simple boy, looking for some tail, and a girl who had a drink and went off the rail! Now that’s what I call, getting your fill! (*CACKLES*)
Enlightenment Inc. By Sean Conforti
When I was in university I cleaned a yoga studio in exchange for one free class per week- because enlightenment/liberation/metaphysical masturbation tend to be prohibitively expensive. I did a teacher training program a few years ago, and this is the healthy perspective from which I view the larger community of yoga people
The Third Issue Has Arrived!
The first shipment of issue 3 is here and it's BEAUTIFUL! We still can't figure out how to open these tricky Chinese boxes but as soon as we do orders will be out! In the mean time check out the PREVIEW section for some glimpses at what's in store!
One Sentence Album Reviews By Jacob Shelton
Justin Bieber - Purpose - Def Jam
This album is the equivalent of a 22 year old smoking cloves in the parking lot of a community college.
Friday Night Movie: Spawn Animated
Every Friday we are bringing you a new, psychotic movie to watch. Hopefully something you've never seen that will scar you for life!
Friday Night Movie: Split Second
Every Friday we are bringing you a new, psychotic movie to watch. Hopefully something you've never seen that will scar you for life!