Jacob Shelton 8/21/17 Jacob Shelton 8/21/17

One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Lorde – Melodrama

I heard that Lorde made a record executive eat a live rat before she would sign her contract. Cool.

Nacho 7/18/16 Nacho 7/18/16

I'm a thug...

I know one thing...

Nacho 2/19/16 Nacho 2/19/16

Electric Wizard - Witchcult

Electric Wizard

Jacob Shelton 2/12/16 Jacob Shelton 2/12/16

One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Does anybody know what the fuck Rihanna is talking about?

Nacho 2/11/16 Nacho 2/11/16

The Spark Master

Bump it

Mr. Rich 2/10/16 Mr. Rich 2/10/16

The Roadie by Mr. Rich

So I started being a roadie in the 70’s. I had knack for it.

I was really good and picking amps up. Putting amps down. Plugging shit in.

I toured with Goat Sack, Father Of The Goat, and If You Had A Goat You’d Be Here By Now.

I’m sure you’ve heard of them.

Then in 1974 my buddy said he had a gig for me doin’ shit for a band called Van Hellen.

I had never heard of them.

But the name sounded cool.

Jacob Shelton 12/22/15 Jacob Shelton 12/22/15

One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Tamaryn - Cranekiss - Kemado Records/Mexican Summer

At least we finally know what that Demi Lovato shoe gaze album would sound like.

Jacob Shelton 12/15/15 Jacob Shelton 12/15/15

One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Alessia Cara - Know-It-All - Def Jam Recordings

The perfect soundtrack to committing suicide in a Target bathroom.

Jacob Shelton 12/9/15 Jacob Shelton 12/9/15

One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Chris Walla - Tape Loops - Trans

"Album of the year!" - Says Boring Old Fucks Magazine

Nacho 11/27/15 Nacho 11/27/15

Diary of a Madman

Feel this shit.

Jacob Shelton 1/21/15 Jacob Shelton 1/21/15

The Mountain Goats – “The Legend Of Chavo Guerrero”

Is John Darnielle going to do for wrestling in 2015 what he did for black metal a few years ago? Probably not.

Jacob Shelton 1/19/15 Jacob Shelton 1/19/15

Man goes down on woman at Dead Kennedys concert - First Punk Rock act committed in 20 years

First off, congratulations to the woman who went and got her pussy eaten right on stage at a Solona Beach Dead Kennedys concert Thursday night.

Molly

Fuck You, Kill Pretty! Also, Love You

WOW - ever since Kill Pretty put out a call for a new president we’ve gotten some buck-wild responses, including our first official rejection letter.

How To Milk Yourself (Even As A Non-Lactator!)

Did you know you can milk yourself even without becoming pregnant? It’s true! And you can start today with Kill Pretty’s essential guide on how to self-milk. You might be wondering, why milk yourself? Besides the fact that it’s really fun, colostrum (the precursor to breast milk) is full of antibodies, proteins, vitamins and minerals that can heal most anything.

6.66 Things You Didn't Know Palantir Knows About You

Now that most of us are starting to realize we live in a surveillance state (we’ve actually been here for quite awhile, but welcome to those just figuring this out!), it’s time to start asking, what DOES Palantir know about us?

Don’t you worry! Kill Pretty has put together a short list for you of 6.66 things you didn’t know that they know, but they do. And now you know too - you’re welcome.

Which hand and household appliance you masturbate with.
The exact Pantone of your asshole.
GPS coordinates of the last known location of your dignity.
Your most shameful Uber Eats delivery. (you know the one)
Your lowest bowling score.
Your new god.
.66 - Bad Bunny is cool but have you checked out the Antichrist?

Nacho

kzam, kzam gtb, gtb, graffiti interview, bay area graffiti writer, bay area legend, legendary graffiti writer

KZAM GTB Interview!

Kill Pretty: What’s your earliest graffiti memory?

KZAM: I had a little marker, and I remember just drawing anarchy signs all over the neighborhood. I'd never done graffiti before that, but that's the first time that I remember doing it. I grew up in Palo Alto area and saw a lot of ORFN and stuff like that, MARVL. I actually met ORFN and he gave me a Pilot when I was tagging in the tunnel at the Palo Alto train station with a Sharpie, and he came up and he... I forget what I even wrote back then, but he came up and saw me with this little tiny Sharpie, and gave me a big Pilot, and he hit up ORFN and I was like "Oh, shit!" I'd seen him everywhere. And it was kind of cool to meet him in person. But honestly I was like 11, 12 years old.

If the point of life is for the Creator to experience everything, could 'Jackass' be humanity's pinnacle expression?

Kill Pretty: What’s your earliest graffiti memory?