10 Sexy Things to Reveal About Yourself on a First Date

1. Your ability to guess a girls weight within 10 pounds.

2. You’ve been wearing the same 5 pairs of boxers since junior high and none of them have holes.

3. The cleanliness of your kitchen sink.

4. The amount of Supernatural episodes you’ve watched.

5. Your love of playful but tasteful taxidermy.

6. The bones in my father’s yard have many stories to tell.

7. Mommy says that I have a very handsome tummy.

8. At work they call me the “night crawler,” mostly because of how many worms I can fit in my mouth.

9. I’m wearing my ash pants.  Pants that I never wash, and which I on principle ash all my cigarettes onto.

10. I have two dicks.