Fans of love and/or sandwiches should stop everything they’re doing right now and shove their faces directly into their computer minute, because this news story directly correlates to those two things. This man, Chester Forntothington has announced that he recently married his favorite sandwich and that they’re retiring to desert to live out the rest of their lives.
The ceremony, which took place over the weekend, featured a stripped down performance by the remaining members of the California raisins, each of which also happens to be in an interpersonal relationship with someone who’s not food. (Ed: As of the time of publication it’s unclear if the California Raisins are actually food or if they’re people) The wedding was ordained by defrocked minister George DeBarges who insisted that he wasn’t defrocked for doing “anything weird,” and that he was removed from the clergy because he believes that human-sandwich unions should be recognized in the eyes of the church. Amen, father.
The lovely couple met while Forntothington was on a business trip to Twin Falls, Idaho. Forntothington says that he stopped in at the Main Street Subway restaurant because of its convenient location, but he noted that any Subway location would have worked because “the food’s great no matter which pristine Subway restaurant location you visit.” After speaking with a sandwich artist about his likes and dietary requirements Forntothington ended up sharing an afternoon with Sharon, his delicious, nutritious, and incredibly sex cold cut combo. Rather than honk down on Sharon, Forntothington ordered a second sandwich (a meatball sub) and had that for lunch instead. Forntothington says that he and Sharon continued their long talks throughout his stay in Twin Falls, and that things went so well that before he flew back to his home in Plano, Texas he asked the lucky sandwich to marry him.
We wish the couple all the best, and just want to say thanks to Subway restaurants for helping one person and one food item find love, and also for making such delicious food at affordable prices. Remember readers, eat fresh.