One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Rihanna - Anti - Roc Nation

Does anybody know what the fuck Rihanna is talking about?


Bloc Party - Hymns - BMG Rights Management

You know that feeling when your coolest friend cuts their hair and gets a boring job, magnify it by a million and you have Bloc Party's new record.


Milk Teeth - Vile Child - Hopeless Records


These guys probably have really sweet girlfriends.


Sia - This Is Acting - Monkey Puzzle Records


This is what the CEO of every Fortune 500 company thinks teenagers listen to.


Anderson Paak - Malibu - Yep Roc


Your mom's going to love this record.


Dickpunks - 29, - TNC Company


What a waste of a great band name like Dickpunks.


St. Lucia - Matter - Columbia


Don't let St. Lucia fool you kids, we're all going to die.


Charlie Puth - Nine Track Mind - Warner


This album is whiter than one hundred first dances at a wedding.


Wet - Don't You - Columbia


If I hear one more low key, Sade biting, electronic album... I'm going to write about it I guess.


Harriet - American Appetite - Harvest Records


If this record was about pizza and Thai food I'd never stop listening to it.


Kevin Gates - Islah - Bread Winners' Association

Take note kids, if you have enough face tattoos you don't have to rap on beat.