Top 5 Conspiracies Ranked by how Hard my Wife Tries to Stop Me From Seeing the Kids

Youtube videos seemed to be so innocent when I first started watching. Cat videos and DIY tutorials. Anyone could upload a video! Soon I found myself getting wrapped up in the secret truths all the sheeple in the world don’t want to look at. Youtube documentaries freed me from a life with my head in the sand. It also freed me from having a wife and children. But I’m a good father and I won’t let these kids down, even if they might in fact be alien hybrids!

Here are the top five conspiracies that killed my marriage:

5. Jeffery Epstin’s “Suicide” - This wasn’t so bad. Becca, like most red blooded Americans, agreed that there was something fishy going on and there was probably more to the story than we were told (no shit Sherlock). She just didn’t like all the sex slave safty workshops I was giving the children. How can you raise a child in 2019 and not educate them on the dangers of white slavery? Now THAT’S delinquent. 

4. The Moon Landing - She rolled her eyes hard on this one. But she did enjoy how much I learned about space and physics during my “Moon Madness” (her phrase not mine). I taught the kids a lot that week, even if they didn’t want to learn.

3. Aliens - This was a topic that brought genuine fear in Becca’s eyes. I know it’s a little scary but aliens are real. And the sooner we come to terms with that the sooner we can start preping for the new race. The CIA admitted it in December of 2017. WAKE UP AMERICA! WAKE UP BECCA!

2. Chemtrails - I know, I know, it’s been proven false. But that’s just what they want you to believe!

1. Flat Earth - “HAVE YOU SEEN THE DOCUMENTARY THOUGH?” Was the last thing I screamed as she slammed the door in my face. You know what, Becca? If that’s even your real name...Good luck with the kids. In a few years, when all this clears up and the truth is revealed, I will be part of the ruling class and look who is going to come CRAWLING back!