An Interview With Aileene McConnley, Leading Chemtrail Expert
I’m standing in a field near Chico, California with Aileene McConnley. She hands me one of those white air filter masks that people wear while they’re mowing the lawn. “See those?” She points at a pair of white streaks that crisscross each other in the sky. “The trails are going to be heavy today.” When I ask what exactly it is that chemtrails do she scoffs at me and hands me an already opened umbrella.
A Preview Of Our Interview With Blake Anderson From Issue 6
As if issue Six of Kill Pretty wasn’t already stuffed with enough cool shit, we’ve got an interview with Blake Anderson from Workaholics hidden somewhere inside. Here’s a taste of what he has to say about hollow moon theory, but if you want to know all the weird shit he’s been up to you’ve got to buy the magazine.
Down The Rabbit Hole With Jacob Shelton: An Afternoon With Bernard Kulp
Bernard Kulp bursts into his kitchen carrying a stack of manila envelopes. Over the next five hours he’ll repeatedly pull from these files and point to lengthy paragraphs that have been scanned and copied so many times that they look as if the ink has fallen out of the words. The first thing he says to me is, “Is this really you or is it your consciousness?” I don’t know how to respond so I pick up my water glass and I say, “Me?” I’ve never felt more insane. “I’m pretty sure myself and my consciousness are here together.” Kulp scowls at me and says, “We’ll see.” He fingers his folders for a moment before drumming his fingers on the table. “It’s not that I think everyone who projects their consciousness from another dimension is an evil pedophile or something, it’s just what my research shows.” Kulp raises his fist quickly until it’s parallel to my face, I flinch and he seems satisfied with this response. “That’s good,” he whispers to himself, “very good.”
Top 5 Conspiracies Ranked by how Hard my Wife Tries to Stop Me From Seeing the Kids
Youtube videos seemed to be so innocent when I first started watching. Cat videos and DIY tutorials. Anyone could upload a video! Soon I found myself getting wrapped up in the secret truths all the sheeple in the world don’t want to look at. Youtube documentaries freed me from a life with my head in the sand. It also freed me from having a wife and children. But I’m a good father and I won’t let these kids down, even if they might in fact be alien hybrids!
Here are the top five conspiracies that killed my marriage:
Freemason Secrets Revealed By Jon Benito
Have you ever heard of the Freemasons? You know… those assholes that supposedly run everything. They're supposed to be the founding fathers of this country, and even possibly the descendants of the Knights Templar, and many other descendants and spawns of other secret societies. Some even think that the Freemasons were also the Illuminati, or that the Illuminati were started by the Freemasons, or that the Illuminati and the Freemasons work together to control the world. And from what I hear on the street, the Freemasons and the Illuminati have had a subsection of their own break off to battle it out on the street over who’s boss. There are all sorts of different stories about these two groups. Are they aliens, the lizard people and the greys battling it out on earth, or are they just men with dark occult power who have sold their soul to the devil? There’s all sorts of stories about these “people” rolling around the internet inspiring artists, occultists, Christians, the religious right, neo-Nazis, anarchists, and other curious individuals.
The Reptilian Conspiracy REVEALED With Reptile Afterbirth
In case you haven't heard, there's a new boss in the rap game. Not only is he the number one spitter from down under, he's also a key figure in the reptile conspiracy. If you aren't already shouting his name, he is REPTILE AFTERBIRTH.
He's been rapping for years in Australia, breaking it down and keeping it real. Recently he's gained world wide acclaim for his youtube videos revealing deep secrets in the ancient reptilian conspiracy. We sat down with Mr. Afterbirth to get the real scoop.
How was the reptilian conspiracy revealed to you?
My uncle used to lock me in a cupboard and play 'reptilian conspiracy' with me after dark but I've since made some resolutions, so this year is gonna be different.