One Sentence Album Reviews by Jacob Shelton

Tamaryn - Cranekiss - Kemado Records/Mexican Summer

At least we finally know what that Demi Lovato shoegaze album would sound like.


Hop Along - Painted Shut - Saddle Creek

I time traveled to 1997 and all I got was this indie rock record.


Joanna Newsom - Divers - Drag City

Did I already review this album? There are so many harp based singer songwriters that it's hard to tell.


Autre Ne Veut - The Age of Transparency - Downtown Records

Is it just me or is it really unsettling that most of the lyrics on this album are "9/11 was an inside job?"


Made In Heights - Without My Enemy What Would I Do - HEIGHTS

Try to look cool when you dance to this record, I dare you.


Archy Marshall - A New Place 2 Drown - True Panther Sounds

For people who like their electronic music like their Johnny Depp movies, forgettable.


The Spook School - Try to Be Helpful - Fortuna Pop!

I wonder if Spook School knows that punk bands aren't supposed to have fun.


Baroness - Purple - Abraxan Hymns

Someone in Wyoming is listening to this album right now and making a skin lamp out of a trucker.


Rick Ross - Black Market - Def Jam Recordings

I've always wondered what an album that was recorded in a Sizzler would sound like.


GUM - Glamorous Damage - Spinning Top Records

No matter what time it is, it's always going to be too early for this record.


Coldplay - A Headful of Dreams - Parlophone Records

The only way to dance to this album is like a drunk mom at a wedding.

Titanmoon - Masquerade

You know how when you shove every flavor of jellybean into your mouth you think it's going to taste like everything, but it actually tastes like nothing? This is a lot like that.

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