Drunken Art Reviews

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When we're bored well throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. Here's our staff drunks take on contemporary art.

 "Squiggle shit that looks like there's a bird in the middle with no head(kinda)"

I'm tired of people that pretend they're saying more in their artwork than they never intended and people that think they're in tune with something that doesn't exist in the painting giving money to these fucking phonies.  It's phonies supporting phonies.  That should be the title.

The Cosmic Serpent, Tara McPherson

The Cosmic Serpent, Tara McPherson

"Redheads like snakes"

           It's pretty good.  I don't have to think about what I'm looking at.  It's a hot naked chick, right?  She is obviously standing in the line at the space DMV and forgot her clothes.  I can relate.

Cliff House, Modscape

Cliff House, Modscape

"Twat-monkeys that built their house in a dumb fucking spot."

           Even if that's not your house, you're still driving a mini cooper.  Minus the two twat-monkeys, the car, and the structure attached to the cliff-face, it would have been a beautiful photograph.

John Morrow. Morrow's Academy of Martial Arts. Moline, IL, Carla Richmond

John Morrow. Morrow's Academy of Martial Arts. Moline, IL, Carla Richmond

 " 5'3'' or 5'4'' "

          To judge this as a piece of art would be silly.  Who's going to hang this on their wall besides the guy that held onto his, "Big Kickers First Kick" trophy, and maybe the poor family member he Christmas gifts it to.  I bet his daughter took this for a school project for "the person you most want to kill".  Why is one trophy sideways?  Make the trophies symmetrical.  Take the guy out of the picture.  Put his wife in the shot , no matter how many stretch marks she has, and have her in a blue bikini doing the same un-badass pose.  That's art.

Couldn't find the name of the artist because no one on the internet has ever talked about them until us...look at us! Breaking new ground!

Couldn't find the name of the artist because no one on the internet has ever talked about them until us...look at us! Breaking new ground!

 "Golden fan?"

          It looks like one of those oscillating fans you had in your room as a kid until it would crap out when too much cat or dog hair clogged  it up and burnt out the motor.  Regardless of whether it's made out of gold or just coated in it, it's gonna crap out on you so don't use it. 

The Last Big Thing (1996)

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The Last Big Thing (1996)

What is a “cult film?” To most it’s an underrated film that cultivates a group of fans that enjoy it ironically or embrace it for it’s true genius despite mainstream ignorance. But there’s another type of cult film. The type that makes you want to start a cult. Fight Club, I Heart Huckabees, and Slacker are three that come to mind. These movies have such interesting concepts or philosophies we should literally build cults around them. The Last Big Thing is a “cult film” in the truest form of the word. The film is so interesting and thought provoking it made me want to sacrifice a virgin and drink goats blood. LETS START A CULT!

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