Opening: This is the default iPhone ringtone, quiet and subtle: like you! You enjoy
fostering a sense of community and love shoving your flagrant display of civic virtue in
everyone’s face!
Apex: You’re very career-oriented and liquidate assets before lunch.
Chimes: You can ONLY achieve an orgasm if the song you’re having sex to is
comprised of at least 80% woodwind instruments.
Read MoreL
ast week I was alerted to the fact that popular 90s television program, Friends, is on Netflix in it’s entirety. Until recently, I’d never seen an episode of Friends all the way through, or if I had, I was unaware. But now thanks to my roommate, Olaf, I’ve decided to watch Friends from top to tip, and I won’t stop until I’m studiously versed in all things Friends.
It goes without saying, if you decide to watch an entire series of a television program, that’s a big commitment. I’m in the enviable position of being a columnist, and with that job comes quite a bit of free time. Sure, I may need to slap down 500 words about the new Filthy Grabbers album, or review a new ramen burger pop up that only makes itself available under the 405 on every second full moon, but I hardly need to get out of bed for such work. But every so often I feel a ghost tapping on my shoulder, the fear of missing out.
“What if everyone is making reference to a very popular 90s sitcom and I don’t even know?”
Read MoreThere's talent and then there's psychotically crafted gifts from heaven. Well god must have been smoking something major when he shitted out Victor Cayro. Cayro or "The Bald Eagle" as his friends back at base like to call him, is the most unique and talented artist you can find today. He's decided to bless us with some scrapings here and there as long as we keep sending him vhs dubs of new movies and beer money.
For more of his art check out http://bald-eagles.tumblr.com/
Here's a little something he cooked up for this week:
I go to coffee shops regularly to keep my loathing of humanity at a low but consistent boil.
Yuppie urban-wanna-be regions, Pasadena for example, are excellent for this. I’m in a wood-beam and exposed aluminum piping hipster dream; there is a large neon sign, MOTEL NO VACANCY flickering on the wall above me, and I think that this is what it would feel like to be me playing Charles Bukowski playing himself in a romcom about Charles Bukowski playing me. “NO” flashes fluorescent red above my head
Read MoreWe sent Doug a copy of issue two while he's in his tin cab rehab! Here he is talking about it...thanks Doug!
We are introducing a new crazy motherfucker (aka a contributor) John Bailey who will be posting a new Wage Slavez comic every Wednesday. Check out his website for more awesomeness http://radtodeath.com/
1. Offer them a marga-Rohypnol-rita first, then bring it up. It’s best to break news like
this when your parents are relaxed/unconscious.
Read MoreAll animals are not created equal, but we want to pretend they are. I know I did. I loved my pets growing up. Even walking through the streets today It’s pretty hard for me not to stop to pet a puppy or obsess over some insanely cute dog. Funny cat videos, although cliche as hell, never really seem to get old. Animals are adorable wonderful fucking things and we all love them. Unfortunately they are not all nice. Some pets piss on your clothes, take dumps on your bed and vomit on your tupperware. All while looking you in the eyes, challenging you. Some pets are assholes.
Read MoreKill Pretty is a lifestyle, entertainment, humor, graffiti magazine.
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