Welcome to 50 Shades of Puke (NSFW) By Mr. Rich

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Welcome to 50 Shades of Puke (NSFW) By Mr. Rich

(Spoilers)(wait...who cares?)

If you had the luxury of being in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, you most likely also had the joy of experiencing one of the worst movies ever made. Not by choice. You’ll convince yourself that you made the choice, but you didn’t. You thought to yourself, “Well, if I go and watch this piece of shit with them, I’ll probably get laid. The good kind of laid.” It makes sense. We all do things that we don’t want to do at some point in order to get some, but this takes the cake, by far.

This year, 50 Shades of Grey made 80 Gagillion dollars on opening day. Valentine’s Day. Not because it was a good movie, but because 50% of people got duped into seeing it by their significant others because their boyfriend/girlfriend read the book and it got them undies more moist than watching Chris Hemsworth take off his shirt in Thor. The problem is that there is nothing to the story except for it’s sexuality and it didn’t transfer over to the movie because that would have basically been a porn. So there isn’t anything to the movie. The story originated as Twilight Fan Fiction, “THIS IS THE LEVEL OF WRITING WE ARE DEALING WITH FOLKS!” Unless Darren Aronofsky had done this movie and it was rated NC-17 or X(which no mainstream theater will carry), there was no way in hell this movie was going to be anything like the books.

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Hunter attacked by naked 'Sasquatch' asks: 'Why are you trying to kill me?'

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Hunter attacked by naked 'Sasquatch' asks: 'Why are you trying to kill me?'

One morning in October 2013, Jeff McDonald put on an orange hunting hat and headed out of his Manning home to spend a few hours prowling for deer in the nearby woods.

About a half-hour along the familiar path, a little more than a mile from home, the hunter spotted something strange in the distance. It looked like a person dressed head-to-toe in tan clothing.

"I thought, 'Man, that is really crazy for someone to be up here in deer season, to be wearing basically buck-skin-colored clothes,'" he said.

The person walked toward McDonald. He was naked. In one hand, he held McDonald's pruning saw.

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Sony just made a cassette tape that holds 64,750,000 songs

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For a time, the cassette tape absolutely dominated the sales market. In 1990 alone, a staggering 442 million tapes were sold. However, with the rise of the CD, the birth of the mp3, and the eventual resurrection of vinyl, sales dwindled, and by 2007 only a mere 274,000 individual cassettes were sold. Sure, cassette-centric labels like Kissability and Mirror Universe Tapes have offered the cassette a new and niche following, but it’s a clear sign of the times when the cassette’s accompanying Walkman is regarded like some alien artifact.

Now, though, Sony has brought the cassette back from the dead by unveiling a tape that can hold a whopping 148 gigabytes per square inch. If you can’t do the math, that’s 185 terabytes of total data. We’ll wait as you toss your iPod into the trash.

The tape, which was unveiled this weekend at the International Magnetics Conference in Dresden, holds approximately 74 times the amount of data of standard tapes. (For comparison, by 2010, most standard tapes could only store about 29.5 GB per square inch.)

 

For more info go here

What Your iPhone Alarm Clock Ringtone Says About You by Greg Mania

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What Your iPhone Alarm Clock Ringtone Says About You by Greg Mania

Opening: This is the default iPhone ringtone, quiet and subtle: like you! You enjoy 

fostering a sense of community and love shoving your flagrant display of civic virtue in 

everyone’s face! 

Apex: You’re very career-oriented and liquidate assets before lunch. 

Chimes: You can ONLY achieve an orgasm if the song you’re having sex to is 

comprised of at least 80% woodwind instruments. 

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How to Binge Watch Like A Pro by Jacob Shelton

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How to Binge Watch Like A Pro by Jacob Shelton

L

ast week I was alerted to the fact that popular 90s television program, Friends, is on Netflix in it’s entirety. Until recently, I’d never seen an episode of Friends all the way through, or if I had, I was unaware. But now thanks to my roommate, Olaf, I’ve decided to watch Friends from top to tip, and I won’t stop until I’m studiously versed in all things Friends.

It goes without saying, if you decide to watch an entire series of a television program, that’s a big commitment. I’m in the enviable position of being a columnist, and with that job comes quite a bit of free time. Sure, I may need to slap down 500 words about the new Filthy Grabbers album, or review a new ramen burger pop up that only makes itself available under the 405 on every second full moon, but I hardly need to get out of bed for such work. But every so often I feel a ghost tapping on my shoulder, the fear of missing out.

“What if everyone is making reference to a very popular 90s sitcom and I don’t even know?”

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