Just to set the record straight, we sent Juxtapoz a copy of Issue 2 at the beginning of October 2014. They just released their January 2015 issue (in December?) and what were they thinking?
They say imitation is the best flattery but at least do it correctly. I guess they just didn't have Dave Schubert (our cover photographer) to quite kill it the way we did.
Every thursday we upload a new, weird, underrated movie for you to stream for one week!
This weeks film is Never Too Young To Die about a spy's son (John Stamos) who inherits the case of a heavy-metal he-she (Gene Simmons) out to foul city water with a floppy disk.
Art by Tomas Brewer
I don't like television.
Not just for the usual reasons; 6 corporations controlling the information and trying to sell You stupid shit.
Well, let's start with the stupid shit selling. Commercials are SO INSULTING and NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT! They treat You like You're literally retarded!!
“Good mothers use tide. You’re kind of a piece of shit if You don’t. You don’t have Life insurance? How do You live without the piece of mind? What kind of meaningless black hole of existence do you live in where You’re not enjoy the refreshing taste of a Coca Cola right now? Did You forget that Coca Cola exists? Not if We can help it!”
Before You ever start watching tv, somebody should sit You down and explain to You what's about to happen: "Groups of the most advanced mind benders are going to FUCK with Your head in every way possible to get You to buy stuff."
These are Marketing Samurai dedicated to altering Your mind and they mean business. Making adjustments. Just straight up fucking with Your head. So are You down with that?"
"⚡Fuck Yeah⚡, I did push the button, didn't I? Power on, motherfucker!¡ You wanna activate all Your mental screwdrivers and lasers and weapons systems directly at My fucking mind? Rock and roll! Rock and roll because Barbara Walters looks like she totally just shat her pants at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade. Rock and Roll because the waitress's little angel is watching Robocop II while mommy's friend shows Mommy his new advanced yoga move: "The Pussy-Blaster." Rock and Roll because Lindsay Lohan's asshole prolapsed on TMZ's "Who's that hole?"
My least favorite thing about tv is that it's not interactive!
Someone on tv can say whatever they want to Your face... and You can never punch them in theirs. The biggest most fucked up well engineered weapon of mass destruction of a lie; and it doesn't matter how insulting it is, or how much it flips You the fuck out because it's psycho, or bullshit, or it's condescending. It doesn't matter how much You scream and shout, You can't do anything about it! It's a one way channel, man. They give 0 fucks. They tell You what to think and feel and Your feedback is not welcome, Motherfuckarrr! The medium is the message and the message is a middle finger!
You see them saying this shit on tv, or portraying a flattened and distorted fun-house mirror image worldview of the Universe, and they make it look like it's the one complete, collective, group consciousness, agreed upon stuff; but it's fucking dumb. Duuuuuuuuuuumb! So so very very ♪♫dum, dah-dum-dum, DUMB♪♫. I swear the stupid is highly fucking contagious. The dumb vapid immature view of humanity and the universe rubs off on motherfuckers- because they have to assume that everyone else is operating from the same whacked out view of the world that tv is portraying! So motherfuckers get their worldview pushed around to fit the tv's horseshit hallucinations!
They're always trying to get motherfuckers to hallucinate and be terrified of every stupid fucking statistically insignificant misfortune one could ever befall, from terrorism to heart failure, you know how they are.
They promote such fucking cowardice! Insane cowardice, from “No one will fuck you if you don’t buy our deodorant” to “You’ve been shot, We’ve got to get you to a hospital!” If they had television in Teddy Roosevelt’s day, He’d have never made it to work with all the getting shot and going to hospitals.
"Holy shit there's dudes across the planet in caves with machine guns! We must freak out and pass the new 'National Not Having a Mouth Bit Freedom Act', which will launch a 60 billion dollar campaign to liberate humans everywhere from the lack of a metal bit in their mouth strapped in place at all times by the use of a inexpensive, yet indestructible kevlar face harness, and it comes with a new and improved social structure!"
Actually that's pretty bold and audacious. Perhaps I've been envying the fuck stomp take no prisoners attitude of the creators of television programming. *gasp* I'm pissed off because I'm jealous that THEY get to infect a captive audience of millions of people with THEIR shitty ideas.
I take back everything bad I ever said about the sacred talking box. Just in time to fuck up some 'Bad Judge.'
When we're bored well throw Mr. Rich a bunch of paintings and stuff from the Juxtapoz website and see what he thinks. He gets no information on the artist or any context, just images. Here's our staff drunk talking contemporary art.
WOOOOOOOOOOOO! ITS’S CHRISMAHANNAKWANZA EVERYBODY!
And you noel what that means. Shit is about to get craaaaaaaazy. My master sends me these, supposed, beautiful pieces of art and I let you know just how ass-farty they really are……....so let’s do it.
Jean-Paul Bourdier
Blurry photo of UFOs lives in my back
I want to superimpose a lion or tiger about to devour this woman for being in another piece of crap. At least then there’d be something interesting going on. She’s probably the same naked chick that has been in all the other naked chick artwork that keeps vomiting itself out of the current shitty art wheel that is, “hipsters trying too hard”. Why isn’t the back of her head painted? She didn’t want to get ketchup in her hair. What’s the matter with this photo? It’s trying too hard and it’s been done before. Better. By Pink Floyd. More chicks, better art on there backs, and lot’s of cocaine. I think there was cocaine, so yeah.
Ryohei Hase
Skull-helmet or not
There is a story here. Which one, I’m not sure. That skull could be a helmet. Maybe they were getting married and a hidden assassin hit her in the neck with a dart and he’s like, “Noooooooooo! Mi Amor!”. Or he’s just just a dinosaur-head dude and there was a huge battle and he just made it to the throne room and now he’s going to eat her brains.
Rune Christensen
Yogurt rope antlers
Yes! This something I would have blown up to 80”x80” and it would hit you right in the face as you walked through my front door. I do believe he has a peace sign tattooed next to his left eye, or mercedes logo. Either way, he’s seems like an upbeat fellow. He has the Christmas spirit and he is ready to party for sure. And not just anybody is willing to let a whole group of people ejaculate on their special antlers.
Ines Kozic
Best way to eat soup ever
This is what I’m gonna look like in a year. You just wait. No more bowls for me. How do you eat your food? With your hands? Pfhh. Tons of condescending snerfs at everyone will be had. Look how peaceful he is. Probably just got done having some new england clam chowder in a beard bowl and is ready for a siesta. Or he’s nursing orphaned baby birds back to health.
Morning Breath
You are what you eat
It’s so weird that everyone always draws cartoons with 4 fingers. I got money that that is Darth Vader on the right side. But, anyway, why not come on over and hang out with Mr. Pizza Face. “Wanna hit this joint? Wanna lick my popsicle? I’m a pretty cool guy except for the fact that I lack eyebrow plucking skills, but hey.” And then as you get closer because you’re about to hit that joint you notice his lips start quivering. His lips extend outward. His upper lip, up and over his head and his lower lip down and around his his feet. His lips engulf his own body and as they do so, the opening that was his mouth becomes the head of a giant red spined lizard-like creature. He grabs your entire body in his right hand and as he does so he calls you a sucker in a low demonic voice before biting your head off. Once inside his stomach, you wonder why you’re not dead. The rest of your body joins you seconds later. A face forms on the lining of the creatures stomach that looks similar to Ray Charles and begins to talk. He says that this creature’s body has the ability to suspend the life of whatever it is digesting in order to fully absorb its soul as well as its nutrients, which is a process that takes 10 years. He then asks you if you want to play a game of Uno. You ponder to yourself, whether or not you fed your cat.
Jonny Negron
Floaters
Now that I’m done laughing like Butthead from Beavis and Butthead… Can’t say I didn’t look at this for a while. Is that Anna Nicole Smith? I don’t know why but this makes me want to go play Saints Row 3 and run around hitting pedestrians with a dildo.
Pokras Lampas
Cool sheets
Can’t say I mind my job right now. I think I gotta, you know, take a break from typing for a second.
Markus Linnenbrink
Woah
“Hey guys, you want go visit Timothy Leary’s house?” Please don’t lock me in this room if I’m on acid or mushrooms. I don’t think I’d be able to find way out, ever. There you go, turn the house into a maze for trippers. You get to the end, you get spayed in the face with Hershey’s syrup and then you go back out into Burning Man.
You guys go through the rainbow house?
Yeah, it was magical.
I felt like Dave at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Yeah, I like the part where I got sprayed in the face.
Me too. :)
Steve Mccurry
Boring
Good contrast. Deep thoughts. He mumbled to himself derisively. Who cares about some fucking camels next to a fire. Big fucking deal. It happens all the time over there. Things are constantly blowing up and getting lit on fire. It’s common place. Even the camels know this and have adjusted. It doesn’t look like they’re too worried. Yup, another giant fire, they say to themselves. And I know it happens, so I don’t give a hoot about whether you think it makes for good photographs. Sigh.
PANT
Pant/Pint
I’ve been given the ok to bash graffiti by the boss upstairs, so here we go. Is this on the side of a car repair shop because it looks like an advertisement for motor oil. Why are there 3 names under this piece? Did you all work on it, you lazy stoners. Or are you just so in love with each other that you write each others names under every tag you do? If you guys made your names a little more legible, you might actually make some money some day. Good one, he said to himself.
Ben Jones
Who dat
Is that the Cosby’s or something? That show is pretty old. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to buy this. I watched that shit when I was 5. Isn’t he molesting chicks now? When did Bill get a tattoo like Mike Tyson. Are they friends now? This is so confusing. He’s got an anarchy symbol and a peace symbol on his face. Which is it? Which do you want Bill?! Peace? Or Anarchy?
Dongwook Lee
It’s kinda what my dumps look like after eating a lot of shrimp
Hey man, you wanna try this new drug?
What’s it called?
Stem.
What’s it do?
It makes you feel like a super-human.
Is there any come down?
You see babies everywhere.
That’s it?
What’s the message here? I get it. We can put a baby in you like that. Why not. If you have trouble getting the D you gotta do what you gotta do. Just don’t inject me with, thank you.
Alright folks, that's a wrap. I hope you have a beautiful end to your year and get muy schlitterbahn’d for new years. Don’t make a new years resolution ‘cuz you won’t keep it and try not to get arrested. Later.
I didn't feel like going to Goodwill this week. Take that, Kill Pretty.
I did, however, finally get an iPhone. It's a 4s, let's not get ahead of ourselves, but it is a step in the right direction. Or so I'm told. It's not exactly an old, vintage piece of technology, but all you teeny-bopper Beliebers might say so, since they're on the iPhone 1,476 by now.
Read MoreDirected, Filmed and Edited: http://www.BrettNovak.com Music: http://AdventuresInYourOwnBackyard.com
In what is hopefully the epilogue to an incident that happened two years ago, a man has been sentenced to five years in prison for punching a hole in a painting by famed French impressionist artist Claude Monet. Displayed in the National Gallery of Ireland, the £10 million piece titled Argenteuil Basin with a Single Sailboat was attacked by the 49-year-old man when he drove his fist through the left side of the painting. He initially explained his motive as “getting back at the state” but changed his story during the trial, saying that it happened when he felt faint and fell into the artwork. After reviewing CCTV footage, it was decided that it indeed was an intentional attack. The man will also be banned from visiting any galleries for 15 months after his jail sentence.
Art by Meg Litter
I fucking hate ordering fast food.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never got an order correct. EVER!!!!!!!! I have lived here my entire life and that’s a long time for them to get my McChicken “plain” down. No mayo, no lettuce. Fuck you.
I just went to Burger King and got a 10 piece McNugget…..sorry, regular nugget and asked for sweet and sour sauce and they gave me two honey-mustards. GOD. FUCKING. DAMMIT!!!! You stupid motherfuckers. Do you know how much I hate honey-mustard? You must be doing this shit on fucking purpose because you execute it so perfectly. It’d be different if I got an extra milkshake or the coveted curly fry among the regs. But no. You leave out a taco or give me FUCKING HONEY-MUSTARD!!!!!
I know what you’re thinking. I like honey-mustard. Fuck you. I hate it. I hate ranch too. Regular honey, ketchup, barbeque, sweet and sour! That’s how I role. Fuck ranch. And why can’t I walk through the drive-thru? You think you’re better than me cuz you have a car?! Every fucking time they leave something out. And I’m too fucking stoned or drunk and I sit on it and say, “Oh well, this is the norm.”. And fuck, it is the norm. I want my fucking order to be correct for once.
This is horseshit.
A Miami graffiti artist who was struck by a police car after he was caught tagging a building has died, police said.
Delbert Gutierrez, 21, died at Jackson Memorial Hospital Tuesday night, police said."This was a tragic car accident which has left both families devastated," Miami Police said in a statement Wednesday. "The Miami Police Department offers our condolences and prayers."
Gutierrez, who goes by the name "Demz," was caught tagging a building at Northwest 5th Avenue and 24th Street on Dec. 5, police said. Police said that once he saw flashing lights, Rodriguez ran.
When an officer turned the corner in his unmarked car, Rodriguez jumped out from between two vehicles and was struck, police said. He was taken to Jackson in critical condition with a brain injury.
Police said the car was traveling less than 15 mph when it struck Gutierrez.
Gutierrez's mother blasted the police saying Chief Manuel Orosa called the incident an accident before the speed of the car had been deterined. She texted NBC 6's Angela Pellerano saying, "Orosa hasn't had a problem in talking to the media. However, he has not found the time to give us, the family, a call or come to us in person at Jackson."
Javier Ortiz, president of the Miami Fraternal Order of Police, issued a statement Wednesday saying they are waiting for the outcome of the investigation.
"No matter how this incident transpired, the focus must be that a life was lost and we must keep his family in prayer throughout this difficult time," Ortiz said.
Gutierrez is the second South Florida graffiti artist to die in the last two years. Israel "Reefa" Hernandez, was killed after a Miami Beach Police officer shocked him with a taser after he was caught tagging a building in August 2013.
Five years ago I met this guy at this loft party in Brooklyn. It was July 1st and I had literally just gotten off the plane from Florida. I spent the month of June following every Pride week between Orlando and South Beach, and ended the parade with a week long music conference of the EDM variety. It was the kind of month where everyone talked about snow, but it never snowed. He had over heard me talking about my adventure in South Beach, which ended with this methed out dude in pink denim daisy dukes, a wife beater, and just socks, no shoes, following me down A1A grabbing his junk.
We began talking, exchanging stories, until he decided to open his bag and pulled out a rather large ziploc bag full of jewel cases packed with herb. He handed me a business card and said, "I work for Jack, and don't ask me who Jack is 'cuz I know jack shit." Apparently, he worked for one of those delightful delivery services. The kind where you call a number within the five boros of New York City, and an angry man picks up the phone. He demands your name and address and says thirty minutes. Then just like that, two or three hours later a guy is in your apartment pulling out various strains of cannabis to choose from at a premium price. Very illegal, which makes it very convenient. You don't have to leave your house! Regardless, over the past several years we got to know each other real well. It took a while, but after four years, he finally agreed to answer some questions...
Jon: Start off with how you got started?
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