1 - Do not try to bleach your hair with actual bleach. This will hurt your fucking head. 

2 - If you are zappin' a Cup O Noodle in the microwave, don't forget to put water in that shit. It will light on fire and stink up your microwave and make your mom mad.

3 - No matter how much weed you have smoked, your heart will not explode. No it wasn't laced and no you don't need to go to the hospital.

4 - Don't try and drink an entire box of wine in under 8 hours on a dare. You will most likely shit your pants.

5 - An oven does not make a good alternative for a dryer, especially when drunk.  You will burn your pants and have to walk home looking like Fire Marshall Bill.

6 - Huge downhill road + rain + your bicycle + being hungover = injury/ shattered helmet/ broken bicycle.

7 - Be wary of beerbonging 2 40oz Steel Reserves from a rooftop through a garden hose. You could throw up on yourself in your friend's backyard and not care.