Steve's Liquor Review

Steve's Liquor Review

It’s extremely hard to get a Kill Pretty employee to do even 30 minutes of actual work in a week. We beg, we plead, but our cries go unheard. This week I asked Steve to write something, anything. He said, “Like what?” I said, “Review anything. You can literally go to the liquor store and review alcohol. I don’t care!” Steve thought this was a great idea. A reason to drink! The next day I literally got photos of his review on a piece of paper. So here’s what I was able to decipher from his scrawlings. Please excuse the formatting and lack of real “reviewing” as I can only assume he was totally shitfaced by the time he got to his chips.


Tyler Nacho - Editor

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Funky Forest is Funking WEIRD (NSFW!!)

Funky Forest is Funking WEIRD (NSFW!!)

Ever fantasized about traveling to an alternate dimension and flipping through television, trying to decipher an alien world? Seeing the customs, the comedy and what they find sexy on planet Xenew? Well with the beauty of freaky Japanese cinema now you can!

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Five Amenities That Ja Rule’s Bringing To Fyre Fest 2.0

Five Amenities That Ja Rule’s Bringing To Fyre Fest 2.0

We’ll never know if Fyre Festival was a scheme to trap gullible social media influencers on an island and slowly deprive them of supplies until they broke into separate factions and ate each other or if it was a regular scam that didn’t have anything to do with cannibalism. Whatever the case Ja Rule, one of the creators of Fyre Festival, doesn’t think the initial get together went as planned so he’s putting together a new version of the fest and we’ve got an inside look on what’s waiting for you if purchase $5,000 VIP ticket.

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5 Details In The Ted Bundy Tapes That No One Is Talking About

5 Details In The Ted Bundy Tapes That No One Is Talking About

If you love murder or handsome murderers or guys who speak into tape recorders then The Ted Bundy Tapes has something for you. The four part Netflix series features interviews and archival footage of serial killer and amateur lawyer Ted Bundy, and while some viewers are focusing on how the series presents him as a handsome murder boy rather than as a stone cold killer, they’re ignoring some of the most horrifying moments.

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Dating Advice For Creeps

Man, woman, gender non-conforming – no matter how you identify, if you’re a creep then you know how hard it is to find someone who really likes you for you. How long should you wait after meeting someone to let them know you’re a creep? Do you ease them into your inherent creepiness or do you toss them in the deep end right away? Everyone is different, and there’s no perfect way to enhance your love life if you’re a dyed in the wool weirdo, but I’ve put together some dating tips for all you creeps out there, and I think they might help you find the person you’re looking for.

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Heartburn Forever

To read the FULL article you gotta buy the mag!!! Buy it HERE!

Every time I go to a fast food restaurant, it reminds me of certain painful interactions and with women from my past. As a poor person in Los Angeles, fast food is the most logical choice for my meals like 20% of the time. I eat it for survival and I know it’s fucked up, but fast food culture is ubiquitous here.

It’s different in Massachusetts. In my youth, fast food was used to mark a really special occasion. We used to have great birthday parties at McDonald’s. Or Burger King if the kid’s family had a good year fiscally. I really view Burger King as a treat and a legitimate meal to boot. Wendy’s is a different story. My family still has significant sit down dinners at Wendy’s. These are rich people, now. Like, these days, they have the wherewithal to go get 20 dollar burgers. But they’re still eating Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.

McDonald’s, though obviously the shitties of the bunch, has really good pickle and ketchup chemicals. Burger King has crispy lettuce and nice mayo. Wendy’s, I mean come on, Wendy’s is a place I can’t even really admit is shitty. I have nothing bad to say about Wendy’s. They even make their burgers into shapes! So when I tell you my first time at In-N-Out was divine for me, I’m not lying. It was like… it was like eating freshly showered pussy for the first time. I shit you not. It’s like, the more you eat the better it tastes, and you can’t stop drooling or thinking about the next bite but at the same time you’re transported to a place and mindeset wherein you’re not aware of the future or the past, desire, or regret. You’re just there eating a burger/pussy, which is technically the entire point of America.

Want to read the rest of Steve’s story? You gotta buy the mag! Buy it HERE!!!

An Excerpt From Our Interview With Everett Peck From Issue 3

An Excerpt From Our Interview With Everett Peck From Issue 3

In 1994 the USA network greenlit a little cartoon called Duckman. They had no idea at the time that they’d just given birth to the funniest, raunchiest and most heartwarming cartoon we’d ever see on TV. Creative genius, Everett Peck, was the man behind the duck. We interviewed him to hear the story of Duckman and attempted to get an up close and personal glimpse into his sticky, squishy duck brain.

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