Issue Six of KILL PRETTY is finally here and it feels so good. This freaked out, fucked up, and all around fabulous issue is teeming with weird articles, sexy babes, and at least two stores about alien abductions. What more could you want? Take a look inside the new issue and wrap your head around our opulent monument to bad taste.
Read MoreIssue 666 of Kill Pretty is here and it’s going to blow your mind. Featuring interviews and artwork by BAER, ‘80s splatter horror pioneer Brian Yuzna, and Rob Schrab, you won’t want to miss one panel of this freaked out and fabulous issue. Go on a drugged out death drive with Guy Fieri. Fall in love with the grime and slime of Richard Perkins, and go inside Dream Corp LLC - all in this jam packed issue.
Read MoreWe’ve had a policy at Kill Pretty ever since we started, No Meth Heads and No Poetry! It’s written above the arch entrance to the writers room and it reminds us of where we stand and our core beliefs as a company. I don’t really know how to read poetry and have had very few poems really make an impact. There seems to be a huge portion of DIY publications dedicated to poetry and it always seemed to me like a way to fill space. So when our favorite weirdo, Nashville, street photographer Richard Perkins told me he was going to release a book of poetry I made a audible *GULP*!
Read MoreI was sitting on the shitter the other day with my boxers around my knees, cell phone snugly resting in the crotch playing my Jurassic Park Builder app. It was all going fine, I was fairly sure I was going to get the right amount of poo particles on my phone screen to give myself a healthy dose of pink-eye (makes me look like a pirate, pirates are fucking cool.) Normally, I’d get my pink-eye via anal sex and eating ass, but it’s been a slow few months.
Read MoreTo read the FULL interview you gotta buy the mag!!! Buy it HERE!
DS: I was just searching midget porn.
KP: For any specific reason or just to get off?
DS: I’m trying to buy DVDs of weird porn and I’m like, “How do you buy porn?” I can’t remember the last time I bought a hard copy DVD porn. We do porn and eggs parties, occasionally, for brunch. Last time we had a vintage porn that someone had sent us, like 1940’s shit, then there’s the potluck and… yeah.
KP: That shit’s crazy how they had to reel it on a reel and then set up a projector just to get 10 to 30 seconds of soundless porn.
DS: Yeah, but it wasn’t like that, it was more “burlesque,” girls stripping, it was just weird what we had, but it was funny. And then we waited as the day wore on and everyone got drunker and then we switched it out for hardcore tranny porn. So people noticed, “Oh, jeez,” but they stayed. So now it’s, “What do we want to do for the next one?” Do we do amputee porn, fatties, grannies - it can’t be regular porn. It’s gotta be weird on some level.
KP: You were probably jacking off in the ‘80s when you had to buy those boxes or rent them at video stores
DS: Yeah, in the ‘80s I had to rent them, but I had to go down to the liquor store when I lived in LA in the ‘90s and then they had them about cigarettes behind the counter. “What’s the title on that one? Yeah, I guess it can be that one. Just give me the longest compilation. I’ll fast forward.”
KP: Was it a lot harder to find really weird shit at that time or could you still find the weird amputee midget stuff?
DS: Well, when you were in a video store, they would have that back section and you could browse, but not like today. You couldn’t click on Youporn and type in a fuckin’ word.
KP: I’m really into psychedelics and as you can tell, the magazine is pretty psychedelic. I know you stopped taking them for a while and I’ve heard you talking about them again.
DS: I feel like I should the same way I feel like I Should get out and exercise more. I just hate doing it. Once I’m tripping, I’m glad I did. Just thinking about tripping, “Fuck, that’s like eight hours.” I hate puking and occasionally I’ll puke in the beginning. Drinking, at the end you go, “Oh, I’ll never drink again.” Psychedelics at the beginning you go, “Oh I don’t know if I want to go through with this.” At the end you’re like I’m so glad I did it.”
So you’ve done it. You’re an essential worker who’s 16 or older and you’ve faced down the needle in a Walgreens/CVS/baseball stadium parking lot and you’re free to walk the streets without fear of catching the dreaded coronavirus. In most cities and counties mask mandates are still in place, and it’s likely that at least half of your friends are still trying to find a vaccine appointment, so what can you do while you wait to hug everyone you know? I’m glad you asked.
Read MoreThere are a few things that you can buy to take your apartment to the next level: matching bookshelves, a bar cart, and a good houseplant, at least that’s what big Plant wants you to think. They may be beautiful, they may be luscious, and they may help cover that stain on your wall that won’t go away, but many houseplants are hardened criminals who want to squeeze every penny they can out of you. Let this be a warning to all would-be botanists out there: kill your houseplants.
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Sick Life is a comic strip by @MattDelight
He also writes Ruby Comics, which you can read HERE
Every time I go to a fast food restaurant, it reminds me of certain painful interactions and with women from my past. As a poor person in Los Angeles, fast food is the most logical choice for my meals like 20% of the time. I eat it for survival and I know it’s fucked up, but fast food culture is ubiquitous here.
It’s different in Massachusetts. In my youth, fast food was used to mark a really special occasion. We used to have great birthday parties at McDonald’s. Or Burger King if the kid’s family had a good year fiscally. I really view Burger King as a treat and a legitimate meal to boot. Wendy’s is a different story. My family still has significant sit down dinners at Wendy’s. These are rich people, now. Like, these days, they have the wherewithal to go get 20 dollar burgers. But they’re still eating Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers.
McDonald’s, though obviously the shitties of the bunch, has really good pickle and ketchup chemicals. Burger King has crispy lettuce and nice mayo. Wendy’s, I mean come on, Wendy’s is a place I can’t even really admit is shitty. I have nothing bad to say about Wendy’s. They even make their burgers into shapes! So when I tell you my first time at In-N-Out was divine for me, I’m not lying. It was like… it was like eating freshly showered pussy for the first time. I shit you not. It’s like, the more you eat the better it tastes, and you can’t stop drooling or thinking about the next bite but at the same time you’re transported to a place and mindeset wherein you’re not aware of the future or the past, desire, or regret. You’re just there eating a burger/pussy, which is technically the entire point of America.
Like millions of responsible adults right now you’re stuck inside with no real concept of what’s happening. You know what the news is telling you, but if my eyes – the eyes of someone who’s always online, never without a computer monitor more than a few feet away from my face – are starting to hurt then you’ve got to have blood spraying from your corneas right about now. You deserve a break. Close your laptop, turn your phone off, and close out of Zoom, whatever that is, and just be your worst self right now.
Read MoreOne of the most intriguing aspects of 2021 is the vaccine crush. Or work vaccine husband/wife/partner. This doesn’t have to be someone that you’ve explicitly shown up with. It can be anyone. Are you like the rest of adults aged 21 - 40 and desperately trying to get vaccinated before the summer? Have you been following the breadcrumbs of alleged extra vaccines to every Walgreens and Rite-Aid in a 50 mile radius? Are you also trying to get it on or maybe establish a genuine romantic relationship with someone while standing in a parking lot? If so, here are some tips for turning the vaccine spark into a roaring fire of love.
Read MoreAll the writing in this zine is handwritten and completely illegible. Fortunately it doesn’t really matter.
Read MoreKill Pretty is a lifestyle, entertainment, humor, graffiti magazine.
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