The Peacock King - A Lesson in Horror-Fu
When the four holes to Hell open up and Hell King is all pissed off and ready to fuck some shit up, who do you call? Two horny monks that have been training their whole lives! Yep, you heard me right, the Hell King is coming back to earth and we gotta stop him!
Xtro - Alien Erotica for only the Kinkiest
When you’re a 13 year old horror fan everything kind of runs together. You have nothing but time and an endless history of horror to consume. I remember whole years where I watched a movie or two every single day. 90% were horror. Yes it did affect me and no I don’t want to talk about it. The point is, through this endless stream of murder certain movies graze the surface and can actually fuck with your head. It’s rare, but they do. Xtro is a sick enough type of movie to just do that. It has claws in all the right places. So if you’re into being molested by a movie, by all means, read on!
Director Lee Kronin Told Us What’s In The Hole In The Ground
From the moment that The Hole in the Ground premiered at Sundance in 2019 audiences have been dying to know just what’s in that hole in the ground. I caught up with Irish director Lee Kronin and asked him point blank, “What’s in the hole in the ground.” His answers might shock you.
Never Again - An Edible Marijuana Horror Story
“Never again” is a phrase that you should utter with decreasing frequency as you mature: You should learn from your mistakes. When you’re a kid, the world is full of sparkly phenomena, and you have not yet accrued enough disappointments to employ skepticism in investigating the seemingly endless sources of sparkle. When you’re nine-years-old, for instance, you may not have yet learned that candied apples are detestable pieces of shit.
Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (1992)
Few horror franchises are successful enough to make it past the 4<sup>th</sup> installment. Even fewer reach the double digits. Friday the 13<sup>th</sup> made it to 12, Halloween made it to 10, and both Hellraiser and Nightmare on Elm Street dropped out at 9 (so far). Few people realize how close the Amityville franchise is on this list. Since the remake, 9 Amityville films have been made (not counting Bloodbath at the House of Death, a Amityville spoof). While most people shrug off sequels, one strange thing stands out about this list. Each franchise held their own (ignoring the remakes) and created a bounty of quality sequels. You can pop in any volume of Nightmare on Elm Street (again, besides the remake) and you will be entertained and surprised! Well Amityville 1992 falls right in these footsteps. With some first class horror movie acting and a genuinely scary story, It’s About Time still stands as my favorite in the series, and it’s number SIX!
Thoughts on Re-Animator, Lovecraft, and Teenage Obsession
As a latchkey kid coming of age in an incredibly unstable household in the early 90s I gravitated toward the spooky, the strange, and the macabre. Lunch time discussion with my twisted chums rarely ascended above who had seen the goriest film or read the creepiest story over the weekend. Andrew Guthrie, all red hair and freckles, tended to lord over the conversation with spot on retellings of Hellraiser 2 and Stephen King’s “Tommy Knockers.” Soon, 6th grade turned to 7th and Andrew moved away, leaving me with a hole of horror to fill.
Hard To Die (1990)
As we all know, killer brain movies are a dime a dozen. We’ve all seen brains from outer space descend on a small town and a Rambo type character must swoop in to save the day. What puts “The Brain” in a different category than the hundreds of other killer brain movies is it’s a metaphor for being a teenager and the angst of being misunderstood in a brainwashed society run by television. Stupid parents and all their rules! Oh, it also has a huge fucking brain that eats naked girls!
Body Melt (1993)
As you can probably guess, Body Melt is not for the ladies (unless shes a bad ass!). No, this is an over the top, gross-out snotfest of blood, guts, sperm and sweat. Something that the ladies will never understand. This is a film for the drunk, for the high, FOR THE INTELLECTUAL! So strap on your goggles and let’s get to work.
Blood Games (1990)
I’ve been reading some reviews online for Blood Games and I’m hearing the same words over and over: “illogical”, “sexist”, “hilarious”, “trash”, “waste of time”.... Basically everyone is having fun shitting on Blood Games. It’s easy to write off a movie about a girls baseball team that’s hunted down by a mob of rednecks. Especially when the Australian title is Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell “Huk-huk-huk.” Oh look! I can make fun of stupid movies too!
Blood Games is a perfect example of what’s wrong with how people consume media today. Everyone is dying to put things in a box. To judge it and move on. Sure the first 20 minutes of Blood Games is retarded and hilarious but if you paid attention you might find there’s a little more to this “standard” rape-revenge flick than you thought.
The Underrated: Demon Seed (1977)
Every week we review a movie that we feel is underrated or over looked. Something you need to see.
Over the years artificial intelligence has become an increasingly terrifying reality. As the internet slowly takes over our brains and robot assassin dogs are being built by the military, technology takes leaps and bounds toward our destruction every day. Surprisingly, even in 2013, our fear of technology has been subdued by our love of instagraming burrito’s and “likeing” dying african children. When the android Nazi’s of tomorrow rise up to engulf their creators in flames we’ll be too busy uploading it to Youtube to do anything about it. Not like in the 70’s. In the 70’s they had a healthy fear of technology. More importantly a fear of robot rape