He was a good man.
You should try the casserole.
I’ve heard that drowning is much less painful than scientists believe.
Anything I can do, anything at all…
You think there’s room in there for two?
Before his spirit passed did he utter the syllable which cannot be heard?
Each week, Rocko D. writes into Kill Pretty to let the audience know about the newest slang for buying, taking, and dealing drugs. While we at Kill Pretty don’t condone Rocko D.’s lifestyle, we do appreciate the space he fills on our site, and his desire to keep you - our customers - safe.
Read MoreYour ability to guess a girls weight within 10 pounds.
You’ve been wearing the same 5 pairs of boxers since junior high and none of them have holes.
The cleanliness of your kitchen sink.
The amount of Supernatural episodes you’ve watched.
Your love of playful but tasteful taxidermy.
My grandma is a full blown hillbilly. She’s full blown bohemian Czech. Still speaks Czech. Grew up in the great depression in Texas. She met my grandfather and still to this day says he has a golden dick and he was the most beautiful man to ever walk the Earth.
Read MorePenises and vaginas are the best, but smell the worst.
Armpits and feet love to be tickled, but who wants to touch those stinky things?
We kiss as a sign of affection, but if you don’t brush your teeth for one day, your shit is rank.
Read MoreI appreciate what you’re trying to do Steven, I really do, but why don’t you hold on to that soft taco? It’s not that I’m not hungry, because it is lunch time and, admittedly, I get very hungry around this time of day. It’s just that I don’t want the soft taco that’s been sitting in the passenger seat of your Volvo for God knows how long. Yes, I’m aware that it hasn’t been baking under the rays of the sun, magnified by your non-tinted windows (I didn’t even know they made windows without tint anymore) for more than twenty minutes, but still.
Read MoreOnce upon a time there lived a noble prince. He really enjoyed saving princesses. He saved them all day long, in this land and that. Then one day a dark cloud appeared over the prince’s land. It clouded all that was good and he was no longer able to see what princesses to save. He grew sad and bored. He wished for his passion to return.
Then one day a mysterious beast appeared. The Glunkerwunk. He GLUNKED, then WUNKED, then GLUNKERWUNKED through the castle gates. The Glunkerwunk told the prince that if he could look inside and see himself for what he truly was then he could lift the curse from his kingdom. The prince laughed. He did not believe him for he was arrogant and saw himself without flaw. So the Glunkerwunk left and the kingdom was sad.
Read More- Keep saying your salad needs more tossing and continue winking at him until your eyes
bleed.
Read More
Just when you got through telling yourself all the cup o noodle flavors had been done(except sardine flavor! Where’s the sardine flavor?) and that random asian sounding company couldn’t possible surprise you with anything new. SURPRISE! New Flavor sirry American *said in stereotypical chinese guy voice*.
Lobster flavored noodles have made their way to a dusty liquor store shelf near you. Not to imply that this is a new item. Most likely this flavor has been around for years, but you never come across it because nobody that you want to friends with would ever buy it. But it’s there. Lurking in the neglected recesses that most people are too frightened to stroll through.
Lobster flavor, freeze dried imitation crab, clam, cuttlefish, oysters, sea squirt(whatever that is), and shrimp extract all combine together to produce one fantastic bouquet. Yum! As I tried to down my meal, a warm aroma wafted to my face that reminded me of my grandmothers used socks or what I imagine halitosis would smell like. As I reached out to take my first bite, my nose hairs curled, sweat beads formed on my brow, and my hand holding the fork began to tremble. Each salty bite was like chewing on rat intestines with lovely little morsels of imitation crab scattered throughout to liven the party. My only salvation was the gulps of water in between bites to cleanse my palate as quickly as possible.
All in all, the noodles were as they always are, resembling cardboard and lacking all the extra fixins that are in the photo on the package. But I was treated with an unexpected plus side. For the health nuts out there, each bowl contains no “added” MSG and 0 Trans Fats. Woot! My mind can rest at ease now.
A final piece of advice for those of you planning on consuming one of these delightful delectables in your house. Have air some air freshener and some scented wall plug-ins handy ‘cuz yo’ house gonna stank. I’d say use the microwave at work, but then you’ll lose what few friends you have there and people will probably give you a mean nickname that they call you behind your back. Like Smelly Sally or Pungent Pete.
And don’t throw the container away in your house. That’s bad too. Toss it your neighbor’s trash can and light it on fire for good measure.
I give this item 3 out of 10 lobster bibs.
As we all are becoming aware, technology can be used for good and evil. From Darpa to hoverboards, our evolving future always seems to surprise us. Less and less can we tell the truth from the lies, the real from the fake. Kill Pretty has stumbled upon a scandal so big it’s going to rock the sleaze journals of TMZ and Entertainment Tonight. As always we are on the cutting edge of news and today we are about to blow your mind.
Read More2 Chainz - Collgegrove - Def Jam
This is exactly why you don't leave your 2 Chainz album lying out in the sun.
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