It shouldn't surprise anyone that Nancy Grace is a vocal opponent of the legalization of marijuana, placing her at odds with pretty much every rapper. Last night she held an unexpected debate with 2 Chainz, someone who would never be on my short list to go on television and debate anything. I wouldn't even expect him to debate the merits of owning more than one chain.
Read MoreThey say that if you take acid it stays in your spine forever. And that if you suffer a back injury later in life, it can be released and you’ll trip again. Do you think that’s true?
Read MoreWeirdo rap thing and internet personality Riff Raff has announced a delightful new source of income/getting people to talk about him. Yesterday on Instagram, Mr. Raff announced that for a mere $28,000 he'll make that most special of nights even more special. Yes, Riff Raff will take you to prom. But don't worry, you're not shelling out more than the annual wages of an average Wal-Mart employee just to slow dance with Riff Raff, you also get a limo, hotel suite, freestyle video, and the honor of being all over his Instagram for a week. Not too shabby. Oh, but you do have to be 18.
Read MoreA light afternoon mist poured over a massive manicured lawn. Groups of tables and chairs each with an enormous vase of flowers and two opened bottles of white and red wine were strewn everywhere. They were being attended to by hundreds of 20-30 somethings in white collared shirts. They were the catering. I was a fucking caterer.
It was good money though. I knew walking in I’d be leaving with over $100 and a huge free meal. What I didn’t know was that over the course of the night my friend would reveal a side of him I’d never known before.
Read More2015 has begun, and as Kill Pretty’s resident music know it all/sass machine, I think it’s important that we cleanse ourselves of the negative vibes of 2014 as we prepare for the even worse vibes coming in 2015. We can all admit that last year was mostly terrible. Save for a few personal highlights (a couple of friends got married and I ate the world’s largest hot dog), 2014 was full of terrible news. The police murdered people in the streets, we were tricked into caring about a Seth Rogen film, and an entire airplane disappeared. Worst of all, we were inundated with some truly awful music. If you read my last column, you’ll know that I liked a few songs last year but that's about it.
Read MoreThis episode of Friends was filmed in front of a live studio audience at Cabaret Voltaire.
Where I grew up, Christmas was cold. God jizzed from the sky and everything was covered in a beautiful white. Then Christmas would arrive and we'd open presents, drink hot chocolate, and huddle around the fire. Fights between my mom and dad were almost inevitable. We'd eat some ham, followed by more fights, and then eat some pies. And then it was over.
Christmas in Los Angeles is weird. It's warm, it's sunny, and there's no noticeable difference from summer. Except that the sun sets a hell of a lot earlier. So when I hear Christmas music blaring from the shops as I pass by, it pisses me off. Mainly because I hate Christmas music, but also because I keep thinking it's June. Or July. August. And I think, "who the fuck is playing Christmas music in the middle of August?"
art by Tomas Brewer
I'm walking down the street in a red velvet suit and a dirtied white beard around my neck like a necklace because I have no idea what I got into last night. Stumbling past the open doors of stores playing Carol of the Bells and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, children are coming up to me with their lists of toys they hope to see under the tree. I'm halfway through my cigarette, holding my bottle in a brown paper bag, telling this one kid he's a spoiled, greedy, little brat and trying to figure out why his mom is letting him talk to me. But then I notice she's playing on her cell phone and couldn't give a fuck about her son.
After I flick my cigarette toward his mom and tell the kid to fuck off, I make my way to the Goodwill because, you know, it's sort of my job.
Browsing the aisles, I hear a small Mexican child shout, "Santa!"
"Sorry, Pedro," I say. "I'm an impostor," and I pull the beard up over my face, gesturing to keep quiet with my index finger over my lips.
I go to the clothing section and trade my costume for a three piece suit, undressing right there. A clerk yells at me and tells me I can't try on the clothes in the middle of the store. I hold up a ten and he backs off.
I put my Santa suit on the hanger and put it on the rack and head over to the electronics. I grab a VCR off the shelf and go to check out.
I pay four dollars for the VCR and walk out, totally forgetting to pay for the suit.
ADDENDUM: The VCR is a Sony SLV N-88. I don't know shit about it. I don't own a TV. But the suit is nice. Pinstripes. If only it fit right.
You have a very specific one liner bus hopper type tag. Is that where it originated? Hopping busses?
That was from scribing bus windows. There are elements to a graffiti letter, right? A. It has gotta look cool B. you gotta do it fast so you can get up in a sick spot and make it look natural. Another kid gave me props for being on so many bus windows. I always had a rock. I didn’t even use the little grinder, scriber tool. That’s cool but in terms of not being caught with a pocketful of utensils or whatever, the best thing is to find a small rock with a sharp side to it right before you get on the bus and when you’re done with it you just chuck it. But basically it’s just from scribing windows and wanting to do it really fast and if you stop and start too much it will look funky.
Read MoreHey, are you a 40 year old audiophile with 1200 dollars to burn? Then the Sony Walkman ZX2 is for you good sir.
Read MoreSo unfortunately, between a time span of four months or so, I got picked up by the police for graffiti. The first time I got ACD (charges dropped) in return for six months good behavior. However, the second time I got picked up, I was arrested and held for about sixteen hours until I saw a judge. The ordeal was entertaining to say the least. Outside of the Christian proselytizing with signage telling me to ask Jesus for forgiveness, and the amount of disinformation being proliferated by the police was... Well... Not really surprising. Regardless, I recently had my follow up court date this past Friday, December 19th.
Read MoreAs a Kill Pretty columnist and freelance writer I’m tasked with typing millions of words a day. Expecting me to take more than ten minutes to review all of the new music that’s come out in the last week/month/decided upon amount of time is Dickensian. If you’d like me to spend more time with your album please email sup@killprettymagazine.com to set up a specific amount of cash that you’d be willing to spend on a nice review and we’ll take care of the rest.
Read MoreIt's the first Monday back at the office after the holidays and I feel like a cat with it's head stuck in a chip bag. My shirt is inside out, I have a splitting headache, and people keep filming me with their phones. We're going to get through this guys, we'll get our heads out of the bag.
Kill Pretty is a lifestyle, entertainment, humor, graffiti magazine.
INSTAGRAM @KILLPRETTYMAG:
